How to break up with a toxic relationship cleanly

Relationships, if mismanaged, can completely absorb us. This, which is already problematic if there is affection and love within the couple, becomes even more complicated if, it's a toxic relationship in which the negativity of the other person becomes part of our life, as if it were contagious and did not let us enjoy anything.

In cases where our partner's bitterness threatens to settle permanently in our heads, it is normal to think about ending the relationship. However… How to cut in a way in which the damage is minimal? Going from words to deeds is not easy, especially if we have become accustomed to the habits associated with living with that person.

Next we will see some guidelines to better understand how to go through this process with a constructive philosophy.

• Related article: "23 signs that you have a 'toxic relationship' as a couple"

What to do to end a toxic relationship

When it comes to going through that point of no return in which our decision to end the relationship is communicated to the other person, help yourself with these guidelines:

1. Think about the nature of the toxic relationship

There are toxic relationships in which our dignity is violated, and others in which we simply receive the collateral damage from the suffering and negativity of the couple, who at no time attacks us, humiliates us or threat. Taking this into account is of the utmost importance, since the way in which we will face the breakup depends entirely on it. If the first case occurs, the one-sidedness has to be very marked, and you should be able to start behaving like a single person from the moment you decide to cut, literally.

In the event that the other person has never had bad intentions, on the other hand, it is advisable to go through a short intermediate phase of mutual support and communication, as we will see.

• You may be interested in: "The 6 main types of toxic relationships"

2. The decisive moment of cutting

To know how to communicate your decision, set yourself a specific day and time, and make sure that at that time you will be sitting down, with nothing to do in another room or place. It is good that you prepare a small semi-script that, instead of containing what you have to say literally, just have a few short sentences referring to the structure of the content you want to transmit (phrases that make sense to you and that you will not say as it is).

When saying it, do not focus your eyes on a specific point, focus on what you say and nothing else. If you feel very nervous, imagine that you are rehearsing and that everything is a stage. The important thing is not to make the moment dramatic, nor to make it one of the most significant moments of your life. life (even if it is for the worse) worrying about all the details: this would trigger the nerves and the ramblings. The priority is to communicate well what you want to say, and not give rise to ambiguities.

• Related article: "Toxic love: 10 characteristics of impossible couples"

3. Support

After communicating your decision, you can offer support to the other person, but always make it clear that you have no reason to change your mind.

It is good that you remain in a certain state of alert before complaints that can be interpreted as attempts at emotional blackmail, something that other people can even use in a semi-unconscious way because of how bad they feel and the despair they experience. This is a phase that nobody likes, but it is necessary to go through it.

However, if there was abuse in the relationship, do not give the opportunity to be manipulated. It is easy for the situations of vulnerability that you have been through before to unconsciously place you in a role of certain obedience.

4. offer help

In the event that the toxic relationship has been of the "benevolent" type and not abusive, it is good to leave the ex-partner with some indications about where they can find help. However, it must be made clear that you disassociate yourself from responsibilities in this regard, among other things because otherwise you could be nurturing a relationship based on dependency. The other person must gain autonomy and learn to live in a more positive way, but without you.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional dependence: pathological addiction to your sentimental partner"

5. stop having contact

From this point, technically and practically, you have already cut, so what you have to do is, precisely, act accordingly. It is highly recommended that you stop having contact with the ex-partner for at least several months. Otherwise, it's very easy for an emotional blackmail situation to develop that traps both of you in a vicious cycle again.

If necessary, force yourself to do things you don't want as long as you keep your head busy and, especially, socialize, be it with new people or old friends. The point is to remember what life was like before being in the previous relationship.