How to know if I am compatible with my partner: 5 tips

In the world of relationships, several logics are almost always at work. On the one hand, there is one that has to do with personal attraction and that gives us short-term incentives to continue with a person. This in itself is something that can sometimes be confusing, because it is not easy to analyze one's own emotions.

On the other, there is the logic of material possibilities, which is everything that needs to be done to allow continuous coexistence: earning a salary, having time for the couple...

All this makes many people wonder... How do I know if I am compatible with my partner? Small problems and conflicts from day to day can be just that, but it is also possible that they are symptoms of an incompatibility that is more difficult to remedy.

• Related article: "The 7 keys to having a healthy relationship"

Keys to know if you are compatible with your partner

It is clear that every couple relationship is different, and there is no universal yardstick that allows us to know the "quality" of a love bond.

However, in general it is useful to look at a series of criteria or facets of a relationship to, seeing the seriousness of your problems, determine if there are incompatibilities. Let's see it.

1. Is there mutual respect on a sustained basis?

This is the first criterion that we must look at to know if we are compatible with our partner. Respect is the basis of any non-antagonistic relationship, and of course, in the specific case of love it is paramount.

Thus, it is not enough that there are no direct physical or verbal attacks. The habitual way of relating to the other must be consistent with the value of respect, and in a sustained manner over time. The latter is very important, because even in relationships where there is abuse, there can be a cycle of violence in which repentance is shown in a timely manner for shortly after, to return to attack.

2. Do you have time to be together?

Each person has their own needs when it comes to establishing the minimum amount of time that he wants to spend with her partner, either daily or weekly. For this reason, it is essential to stop and analyze whether these apparently different interests fit together, and whether the conditions exist for these expectations to be met.

For example, in long-distance relationships this can be a problem, but if a realistic plan is drawn up by which both people can spend quality time together, or one in the that at some point the relationship ceases to be at a distance, in that case there is no reason to speak of incompatibility.

In any case, it is important to point out that not all expressions of love compatibility have to be of a purely psychological or emotional nature; others are material, such as the serious problems caused by endless working hours.

• Related article: "Long distance relationships: 10 difficult problems to bear"

3. Is everything based on physical attraction?

In youth, it is common to confuse love compatibility with mutual attraction based on the physical, the aesthetic. This is a pattern of behavior that in the medium and long term causes problems.

Precisely for this reason it is good to consider whether what keeps us together with our partner is the inertia of what started only with physical attraction. While not technically an incompatibility, it is a source of future and likely serious incompatibilities. Bearing in mind that most people consider relationships as a stable and long-lasting bond, it is worth thinking about it.

4. Is there asymmetry in communication?

There are times when one of the people in the relationship adopts a markedly passive role when there are discussions or conflicts of interest. That is to say, to show that everything is more or less fine, although in practice it is not possible to hide it completely. In these cases it may happen that the other person is interested in making explicit the reason for the problem, or that I take it for granted that in such cases the right thing to do is to do nothing, so that the conflict does not rise to the surface.

When both people have gotten used to this because They don't know how to deal with problems directly., that may constitute an incompatibility. In the long run, the will of one of the parties always prevails.

5. Are there realistic expectations about compatibility?

Paradoxically, obsessing over whether or not one is compatible with their partner can be a incompatibility if that leads to demanding from the other person that they conform almost perfectly to what is expect of her. It is important to assume that there is always small clashes between the interests of the people who have been involved in the relationship. The concept of lovers who complement each other perfectly cannot be idealized.

In conclusion

Fulfilling the requirements that we have seen does not guarantee that a relationship will work, but it does give a fairly realistic indication of the possibilities that it has to prosper. Taking them into account regularly to see if everything is still going well is good, although you have to aspire to make the love bond something more than a set of desirable objective characteristics.

Love and falling in love must be lived, not simply analyzed.

• Article that may interest you: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"