My partner does not love my family: possible causes and what to do

Does this thought often come to mind: "my partner does not love my family"? Do you feel like you are in a constant war between your family and your partner? Do not despair, in this article we bring you some key ideas to improve the relationship between your partner and your family.

However, before we will discuss three possible circumstances (or causes) that could be occurring together with this situation, and that perhaps can help you better understand the reason for everything.

• Related article: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

"My partner does not love my family": possible circumstances

You think the following: "my partner doesn't love my family", but you don't quite understand why. There are many causes (or circumstances) that could explain it, but here you will find some quite frequent ones that could occur in your case.

So why doesn't my partner love my family? What circumstances may be accompanied by the situation you are experiencing? Let's see some:

1. Your family does not like your partner

One of the possible circumstances surrounding the fact that your partner does not like your family, is that your family does not like your partner either.

This, obviously, is often noticeable, and it may happen that your partner notices that your family does not like him, which in turn causes it to occur. some distance between both parties, or even the emergence of conflicts. That is, it may be that there is no feeling between your family and your partner, and that this "displeasure" is mutual.

2. They have nothing in common

Another possible circumstance surrounding the issue is that, simply, your family and your partner have nothing in common.

This can make your partner lazy to attend family events, or directly dislike them because they have never connected in any way. Thus, the lack of common interests can cause a situation like the one we are proposing.

3. For your family your partner is insufficient

It can also happen that your family thinks that your partner is not enough for you (good enough, smart, rich, whatever). That is, they think that you deserve something "better".

Couples end up noticing this, which can lead to your partner not feeling sympathy for your family either, and directly "doesn't love it", because these thoughts towards her logically make her feel bad (feeling, in turn, "little thing" for his son).

4. Your partner feels that your family is too intrusive

There are political families that are more "invasive" than others in the emotional field of their relatives; that is to say, fathers and mothers who meddle a lot in their children's relationships, and others who give them more freedom, more freedom.

In the first case, it may happen that your partner feels overwhelmed by the interference of your family in the relationship, and that said burden is the cause of not wanting to be with your family (or directly "not want").

• You may be interested in: "The 8 types of family conflicts and how to manage them"

How to improve the situation?

If you constantly feel this feeling or thought that your partner doesn't quite like your family, maybe it's time to consider some changes in your life, and get down to work to change the situation.

It must be clear, however, that for this it is essential that both you and your partner really want to change this situation and improve your partner's relationship with your family. That is, there must be real motivation and interest. Without this first step, it is impossible to change anything.

We are going to divide this section into two: in the first, we will talk about guidelines or key ideas that your partner can put into practice to improve the relationship with your family (which are usually your parents), and in the second, guidelines or key ideas that you can put into practice myself

1. Guidelines for the couple

Given the thought that your partner does not love your family, you must also consider the following: how can she help to change the situation? (besides yourself). Always in case she wants, and May this path be focused on improving your relationship as well, if it has been affected by the situation. Here are some guidelines:

1.1. To speak with your family

A first idea is that your partner directly talk to your family. You can simply approach her little by little, to find out if there are any basic problems or conflicts that she is unaware of, or ask directly.

Depending on the circumstances and trust, you can inquire into these issues or ask directly if they have a problem with it. It can also be a good occasion to approach positions, empathize with the other party, listen to each other, understand each other, iron out rough edges, etc.

1.2. Organize an activity together

Another idea is that your partner, or both (with you) organize some activity or event to share time together. The ideal would be to develop it in a warm, pleasant and relaxed environment, so that conflicts do not arise and things can be talked about naturally.

2. Guidelines for oneself

If you want to be the one to take control of the situation and act, here are some tips that can help you:

2.1. talk to your partner

A first step you can take is to talk directly with your partner about the situation; about how you feel about it, what you think, how it is affecting you, how she lives it, etc. Look for a good time to do it, and to be able to share feelings, thoughts or beliefs about the current situation.

Surely your partner also needs to "let off steam" and express their concerns and needs in this regard.

2.2. To speak with your family

Beyond talking to your partner, also it may be important that you talk to your family, and that you express to them what you feel about this situation. Do you feel uncomfortable with your partner? They do not like it? Do you feel that your partner rejects you? How do they live it?

These are just a few questions that you can ask your family, directly or indirectly. The goal is for your family to understand that both your partner and her are important to you, and that you don't want your relationship with her to harm your relationship or family dynamics.

Choose between the family or the couple?

It is one thing to feel "my partner does not love my family", and the other, which goes much further, is having to choose between your partner or your family. If this has not been raised by any of the parties, you do not have to raise it yourself, at least that way a priori.

Ideally, you should be able to maintain both relationships and one should not be incompatible with the other.. In the end we are human, and people, speaking, understand each other. However, if things get too bad, or if there's a lot of tension between your partner and your family (and you've already tried everything), it might be a good time to think.

It is not necessary to be radical and decide between "one thing or another", but yes You can consider perhaps distributing your time between both facets of your life, in an equitable way, and without your partner having too much contact with your family. We are already talking about extreme cases, but sometimes they happen.

Bibliographic references:

• Albuquerque, J.P. (2017). Family, family conflicts and mediation. Editorial Ubijus. Mexico.
• Villaluenga, L.G. (2006). Mediation in family conflicts: a construction from family law. Editorial Reus. Madrid.