7 Types of Subtle Verbal Aggressions in a Relationship

Couple relationships may be characterized by being based on an intimate bond between two people, but that does not mean that there is no room for ambiguity in them. This can be clearly reflected when conflicts arise: many times, anger is not expressed in a directly, but in a passive-aggressive way, just giving information that allows us to identify what is happening.

But anger within a relationship is not the only type of negative situation that can be expressed in disguise. Where there is verbal abuse, it can also be so subtle that, once it becomes a habit, it is difficult to recognize as such. That is to say, that many times situations of psychological abuse come to normalize. Next we will see exactly how it can be produced this type of verbal aggression difficult to recognize.

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How to recognize the types of verbal aggression in the relationship?

Below we will see the main types of verbal aggression in the context of a relationship, and how to identify them.

Knowing how to detect each of them is important, because it allows detecting situations that should not be tolerated and that in the long run can create a relational dynamic characterized by the dominance of one person over the other. other.

1. Teasing about the family context of the other person

Sometimes, the origin of a person can become instrumentalized to try to hurt him, especially if he comes from a humble environment or associated with the rural. In this way, small mentions of the fact that the other spent his childhood in a small town without an Internet connection, for example, can often only make sense in the context of an offense.

This kind of subtle verbal aggression is aimed at disqualifying the other in a simple way and without having to argue anything; Fundamentally, it consists of creating a stigma that can be used conveniently at the most opportune moments, even in front of friends or family.

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2. Draw attention to the attractiveness of others

Expressing directly that you feel attracted to another person is, in many cases, another example of aggression that, although it is not always verbal, is psychological. Where is the limit to know if it is admissible? Easy: unless it has been previously clearly established that this kind of behavior is allowed, it is.

In reality, this type of expression of feelings may have as its main objective to undermine self-esteem. of the couple, since even if another person is found attractive, this does not force them to express it openly. What you get by giving these unwanted opinions is to send a clear message: "after all, you're not that special."

3. Read minds

This type of verbal aggression consists of constantly repeating the fallacy of the straw man to make fun of the other person. For example, a caricatured version of the motivations of the other can be offered, of their ways of thinking and their fundamental beliefs, not to explain something, but simply to use mockery and place oneself in a situation of power before, for example, a decision that should be made jointly (for a reason one is in a couple).

4. Emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is a type of subtle verbal aggression that goes beyond words. On the one hand, it serves to expose the idea that what is expected is that the other person makes efforts special to maintain the relationship, as if only one member of the couple had the duty to maintain it united. On the other, he introduces guilt in the other to manipulate her behavior from his own remorse.

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5. Gaslighting

Gaslighting consists of deliberately lying so that the other person doubts their own mental abilities. Not only is the truth hidden under lies, but the other is also placed in a situation of psychological discomfort, sometimes almost hypochondriac, simply to be able to manipulate it. That is why, to detect this kind of situation, it is necessary to work on self-esteem and build a realistic self-concept, in addition to having a third opinion.

• Related article: "Gaslighting: the most subtle emotional abuse"

6. deliberately ignore

This type of verbal aggression is precisely characterized by selective verbality, that is, speaking only to say certain things, and keeping silent for the majority, without giving an explanation. In certain respects it can be considered a type of gaslighting, and it is a type of abuse because it does not even offer the possibility of understanding what causes the anger (real or pretended) of the person who does it, which subtracts any constructive characteristic and only leaves what negative.

7. Using the false dichotomy

The false dichotomy makes it possible to situate others far from the "correct" moral category simply because, starting from a totally biased criterion, it can be said that it occupies an attitude or an opinion of people ethically inadmissible.

An extreme, almost cartoonish version of this would be trying to make the other person feel bad about his eating habits by pointing out that "Hitler was a vegetarian, too." Even if true, it's something that doesn't tell us anything about why being a vegetarian is wrong, it just crudely relates to something we ethically want to stay away from. This is such a crude manipulation strategy that, in practice, shows a clear lack of respect and willingness to manipulate.