My ex-partner is with another: how can I get over it?

One of the most complicated situations that we can experience is the heartbreak. Although, when we fall in love, we can live in a cloud, leaving it with the person we love so much can cause great sadness and affect our lives in a negative way.

Possibly, heartbreak is one of those vital experiences that lead us directly to the existential crisis: our self-esteem is seriously damaged and we do not know very well where we should go in life. Of course, heartbreak is overcome, although sometimes we need time.

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When they break our hearts and leave us for another

But if leaving it with someone is complicated and painful, it is even worse when that person we have loved one begins a relationship with another person right after leaving us, or worse, they leave us for other.

We can come to feel like real failures, we can blame ourselves for not knowing how to maintain a relationship, we can feel inferior by believing that their new couple is better for us and, even worse, we can believe that we are not worthy people because the other person has remade her life and we are not capable of do it.

Well, even in these moments of extreme emotional pain, it is possible to come out stronger and learn from this traumatic experience. Below you can find a series of tips to achieve this.

1. accept it

One of the defects that people have is that we tend to blame ourselves very easily. and not value our achievements enough. And this situation, in which it seems that we are the ones to blame for this story, can get to crush us in such a way that it becomes difficult not to spend a single night without crying and without sleeping.

Affirm that losing the person you love and also seeing how he rebuilds his life with someone and that it is easy to accept it overnight is a mistake, because the impact of the first piece of news that we receive leaves us seriously headdresses.

However, it is also true that human beings have a surprising capacity for adaptation, and it is these moments that make us grow as people. For this reason, the sooner we accept what has happened, knowing that it is a slow process and that it requires will, the sooner we will come out on top and be able to fully enjoy life again.

• If, in addition to losing your partner, you have suffered an infidelity, you can read our article “Overcoming infidelity: the 5 keys to achieve it”

2. express what you feel

This complicated situation, in addition to being painful, can be embarrassing.. It is normal that we do not want to talk to anyone and that we decide to keep all that pain inside so as not to appear weak. But many times, expressing what we feel with those people we trust can be an emotional catharsis that will help us feel better. Now, it is not good to recreate this bad experience over and over again, so it is necessary to move forward.

3. Don't take it as a battle

It is hard to see that the other person has managed to rebuild her life and has done it with another, but this is not a battle. Everyone needs their time to overcome heartbreak, and even if your partner is with another, it does not mean that they have overcome it. There are people who do not know how to be alone because of their low self-esteem and emotional weakness. So instead of focusing on your ex, turn your attention to yourself and your dreams and needs.

4. A new opportunity for you

A breakup always hurts, especially when you love the person you've been with a lot, but as the saying goes, you learn from pain. Now you no longer share your time with anyone, so you have all the time in the world to get to know yourself and fight for your personal development. Fall in love with yourself and success is assured.

5. the fault is not yours

It's easy to blame yourself when the relationship hasn't ended well because no one likes to be blamed., and at the moment of leaving the relationship, the two members take out all the dirty laundry at once, since anger and resentment usually appear. Some of the blame for the breakup may be yours, but not all of it. So don't feel guilty and instead of using the time to blame yourself, take advantage of it to change what you need in your life so that you can grow.

6. don't compare yourself

And if it is not good to blame yourself, it is not good to compare yourself with your partner or with your new boyfriend or girlfriend. As I have said, your ex may be with someone else because he does not know how to be alone. It is also not good to compare yourself with the other person because you have talents, abilities and a different way of being, and that does not mean that you are worse. Accept yourself as you are, seek to grow every day, and another person will arrive with whom you will fit.

7. Avoid places where you can cross

It is necessary, when you end a relationship, to avoid those places where you can run into your partner, since heartbreak is not linear, that is, there are ups and downs. If you go through a week in which you feel better, seeing your ex with someone else again can make you feel the same or worse than a month ago. So get on with your life and don't lose heart.

8. Avoid looking for him

And avoiding those places where you can run into your partner also includes looking for him, for example, through social networks. In heartbreak what counts is all or nothing, since when we fall in love our brain undergoes a cascade of neurochemicals similar to what happens in the brain of a drug addict. In heartbreak, we can become obsessed and depressed very easily, because the levels of serotonin descend.

• Related article: “The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug”

9. focus on you

Also, all or nothing means that we can redo our lives and focus on ourselves without having to constantly think about the other person. At first it may be difficult, but over time our brain regains stability and, therefore, it is easier to focus on our personal development, which is key to overcoming any breakup.

10. Seek psychological support if necessary

Sometimes, but suffering heartbreak and seeing that our partner is with another can affect different areas of our life and for a very long period of time. In these cases, it is necessary to go to psychological therapy to learn new skills to relate, change some negative beliefs that may be affecting our lives and increase our self esteem. The psychologist can help you overcome this difficult stage of your life.

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