How to help my partner overcome a duel? Tips for Giving Support

Mourning processes, such as those that arise from losing someone dear, almost always involve significant discomfort for those who present it. For this reason, when it is our boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband who suffers from it, a typical question arises: How to help my partner overcome a duel?

In this article you will find a list of tips that can be very useful to provide you with the necessary support.

• Related article: "Grief: coping with the loss of a loved one"

What is the duel?

The couple represents a source of support, which can often be decisive in helping to overcome grief.

This is not an easy situation, and it must be given the importance it deserves, but first of all we must understand what a process of mourning, in order to later be able to better understand what our partner is going through and thus provide help in a more efficient way.

Grief is a process by which a person experiences the loss of a significant person or element in your life, either due to death or because it is no longer accessible (for example, if it becomes too far away). It could also come from the fact of not being able to continue with an activity that the person liked; a college degree, for example.

Once the subject has suffered the loss, a crisis of emotions related to the fact of not being able to live like when access to that person, object, or activity was taken for granted.

stages of mourning

The typical psychological states that one passes through when experiencing grief have been described as follows. It is important to bear in mind that mourning does not always begin with the first stage, depending on the personality characteristics of each subject the process could start at a more advanced stage and last less.

1. The denial stage

This stage of the grieving process shows the rejection that the person experiences in the face of loss. It is such an adverse situation for the subject that he refuses to accept it as a real fact..

Phrases like "this can't be happening", "this can't be real", among others, are typical during this stage.

2. the stage of anger

In this phase the subject begins to realize that can't do anything to change reality, and it is precisely this that makes her frustrated and feel angry and irritated.

It is an anger that does not have a clear focus; the person knows that there is nothing he can do to change what has happened, and usually cannot find a way to drain the hostile feelings from her.

3. Negotiation stage

During this stage, people begin to question themselves retrospectively, as a way of see in your imagination what would have happened if things had happened differently.

For example; They begin to imagine that they could have done something to change the fact of the loss they suffered, and they begin to question themselves.

4. The stage of depression

At this point the subject begins to have depressive symptoms They have nothing to do with clinical depression, but are a normal response to loss.

The subject becomes depressed because somehow he understands that he must move on with his life, despite the loss, and this idea generates sadness and anguish.

5. Acceptance

Finally calm comes. In this last stage of the grieving process, the person has adequately drained all the emotions generated by having gone through the loss, and start to rearrange your life again.

How can I help my partner overcome grief?

Empathy is essential when we want to help our partner to overcome their grieving process. Being able to put ourselves in your shoes during hard times sensitizes us to your situation and helps us to provide you with everything you need to get ahead.

That being said, these are the main tips to help your partner overcome grief.

1. stay present

The mere fact of being present during your partner's mourning represents an emotional support for him or her.

You don't have to try to say something comforting every moment. Just stay close and openly support them.

• You may be interested in: "Couple crisis: 7 signs that indicate that something is not right"

2. active listening

While you are accompanying your partner, make sure that let him know that he can openly express all his feelings.

Listening to your feelings and emotions is important so that you can drain any discomfort you may be feeling.

• You may be interested in: "Active listening: the key to communicating with others"

3. Avoid appearing to your partner

Contrary to what some people think, compassion does not provide any kind of help to the person, on the contrary, it works as a reinforcer of negative feelings. Therefore, if what we want is to help him overcome these feelings, it is best to avoid this at all costs.

4. Encourage your partner not to neglect

This point refers to the personal care that we must provide to our partner. In a grieving situation it is common for people to tend to neglect basic aspects of their livessuch as food or personal hygiene.

If you notice that your partner is neglecting in any of these aspects, or in others related to basic needs, then offer support in this aspect. If not, this factor can make you feel bad and have a greater predisposition to feed negative thoughts, associated with sadness and melancholy.

Bibliographic references:

• Archer, J. (1999). The nature of grief: The evolution and psychology of reactions to loss. London, England: Routledge.
• Bayes, R. (2001). Psychology of suffering and death. Barcelona: Martinez Roca.
• Stroebe M., Schut H. & BoernerK. (2017). Grief coping models: an updated summary. Psychological Studies, 38(3): pp. 582 - 607.
• Worden, W.J. (2004). Grief treatment: psychological counseling and therapy. Barcelona: Paidos.