Why are there people who romanticize Jealousy in the Couple?

It may be that you or someone you know has had a hard time controlling your jealousy in relation to a relationship, even ending this bond for this reason. Jealousy is a cultural phenomenon that affects relationships, but also the way in which we feel towards ourselves and the way in which we manage our emotions and relationships affective.

Taking a look at the representations of couple relationships and love in the mass media and in the collective imagination of our societies, it seems that jealousy has been presented over time as a viable phenomenon and even, sometimes, necessary to maintain relationships loving. Fortunately, in recent years, awareness has increased about how harmful these can be, showing the need to deconstruct them.

Throughout this article, we are going to answer the question of why is jealousy still romanticized. This is a complicated issue to deal with, since jealousy can be part of aggressive behavior in relationships. As it can be a sensitive subject for some people, it is important to approach it with knowledge and tact and argue from the beginning about the need to cut jealousy completely and advocate for the construction of healthy relationships based on trust.

• Related article: "9 keys to understand jealousy and learn to overcome it"

What is jealousy?

Jealousy has been defined, from a perspective focused on the relevance of emotions, as complex and negative emotions. These normally arise as part of a real or imagined suspicion of a threat to a valued relationship that may be associated with fear of losing it. Understanding jealousy as an emotion means considering it a response that alerts us that a relationship we do not want to lose is threatened. However, this does not have to be true; in most cases, jealousy creates threats that don't really exist.

From other perspectives with more inclination towards the social study of relationships, it aims to describe jealousy as part of socially shared beliefs about the nature of love. This nature of love involves myths such as jealousy, which present it as a sign of love, that the other person in the relationship “cares”. However, it is important to define that jealousy does not reflect love, but the feeling of possessiveness for the other person; they equate the other person in a relationship with property.

The study of jealousy has been differentiated between men and women. A multitude of studies defend that there is greater concern in men about the possibility of experiencing infidelity than in the case of women; but that, in the case of this infidelity, it has more damaging emotional effects in women than in men.

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How has jealousy been romanticized?

To understand how jealousy has been transmitted and generalized in our society, it is important have as a reference the cultural perspectives of authors such as DeSteno, Salovey and Bartlett. These perspectives have offered alternative explanations that place the origin of jealousy in differences between men and women throughout the process of differential socialization and in the social influence and cultural. These differences would make a difference to the way in which men and women have attached themselves (or not) to the gender norms and roles characteristic of a given ideological context.

1. culture of honor

The culture of honor has been defined as the set of emotional reactions that can be justified by defending something that is considered one's own. These reactions are the result of a learning process established in groups or societies on ways to defend a property. These ideas have been legitimized not only at a social level, but also legally, producing representations about what is considered correct or incorrect in relation to the way in which it is defended "own".

The use of the culture of honor associated with couple relationships and the explanation of jealousy is conflicting. derived from these, since the culture of honor is mainly focused on material goods, identity or cultural. When we talk about a relationship, we refer to people; and this could be the simplest explanation of why jealousy is harmful to love relationships. People cannot be equated to properties, when we feel a person as if they were property we are dehumanizing them and equating them with an object; with something instrumental Thus conceiving a person with whom we should have a healthy affective bond based on trust and mutual respect is not an adequate way to build healthy relationships.

2. Romantic love

Romantic love is the most classical conception of romantic relationships that defends that we all have a better half or a predestined person, so it is necessary to fight to find this love and to seek its maintenance. This is the kind of love that has been and still is featured in most movies, books, or songs that deal with the theme of love. Culturally, we are subjected to a laundering of constant romantic love. For this reason, jealousy is normalized or naturalized, considering it part of love because it is important to fight for relationships.

• Related article: "The myth of the better half: no couple is ideal"

3. Normalization of psychological violence

Making a synthesis of the two previous points, one could speak of the normalization of psychological violence as one of the main causes of the socialization of jealousy and even conceiving it as a natural part of relationships couple. In general, throughout our socialization and in relation to the establishment of loving ties, it is very common to hear phrases such as "those who fight want each other" or "love hurts". These are false myths related to the culture of honor and romantic love that have normalized the establishment of jealousy as part of couple relationships, whitening their representation of behaviors related to violence psychological.

It is important to take into consideration that jealousy has been defined as causal factors of gender violence. Maintaining the belief that your relationship is being threatened, not trusting your partner and Blaming her that you have developed these jealousies and insecurities are ways of lowering your partner's self-esteem. couple. In this case, the person who has to correctly manage her emotions is you; you have to learn not to be guided by an impression that you don't know is real and not to blame your partner for your insecurities.

How to manage jealousy

Next, and by way of conclusion, we are going to propose strategies to understand and manage jealousy before it leads to too big a problem with your partner. It is important that you keep in mind that you should not only work on jealousy to improve your relationship, you should also do it for yourself. Maintaining a jealous attitude towards other people can be very harmful to your long-term mental health and the establishment of meaningful and lasting bonds of any kind.

1. Recognize and understand your emotions

The first step in managing jealousy is to become aware of it and how it impacts your emotions. Acknowledging your own feelings and realizing why you are experiencing jealousy is a very important step. to reflect on your insecurities or fears that may be contributing to the development and maintenance of jealousy.

2. Communicate your feelings assertively

Honest and assertive communication can help build trust and mutual understanding. Once you have identified your jealousy, it can be very positive that you communicate it to your partner but not with the intention of blaming or accusing, but with the intention to express how you are feeling, acknowledging that these feelings may be a problem, but giving importance to seeking a solution in common.

3. Work on your self esteem

Working on yourself, identifying your strengths and working on your areas for improvement is very effective in cultivating a positive self-image. This will allow you to build confidence in your own abilities and qualities and decrease your jealousy as you feel more confident in yourself.

4. Set healthy boundaries

Setting limits can help you manage jealousy, as long as these own limits are not limiting your partner's freedom. It is important talk and establish limits that are common to both. Not because of experiencing jealousy, the entire course of the relationship should revolve around managing it; you must also recognize which problems are uniquely yours.

5. Seek support and work as a team

You do not have to go through this process alone, seek help from friends, family and even therapeutic help. It is important to work as a team with your partner to strengthen the relationship and find ways constructive approaches to addressing the problem, seeking to destroy any hint of romanticism that jealousy they may have.