How to act when a man plays with you: 4 tips

Thanks to emotions and feelings we are able to connect with others and empathize, but this also has its drawbacks. Among other things, emotions open a new way through which we are psychologically vulnerable, because they make us capable of getting excited about projects that are actually a deception.

It is for this fact that many people who go to psychological therapy do so with one question in mind: How to act when a man plays with you? Although both men and women can emotionally manipulate other people, when he does it For someone belonging to the male gender, certain events tend to occur more likely, so it is worth seeing which are.

Therefore, in this article we will try to answer this question related to cases of emotional manipulation when the manipulator is a man.

• Related article: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

Signs that they are playing with your feelings

One of the keys to the emotional manipulation that occurs when a man plays with your feelings is that what happens is not obvious, especially from the victim's point of view.

The hopes of having a meaningful and intimate relationship with the other makes those things that could be giving away their true intentions go more unnoticed.

However, there are some signs that, analyzed in the most objective way possible, help us know if what is happening is that there is indeed a man who is playing with you (or trying to). In many cases, traditional male gender roles will be used, as these are historically linked to the concept of authority and rationality: that is, it is easier for them to show that they are right and it is the others who are wrong or too confused. Let's see it.

1. Use gaslighting

Gaslighting consists of attributing one's negative actions to erroneous interpretations of those who witness these behaviors.

In fact, the person who uses gaslighting to manipulate another is capable of blaming the victim for feeling bad about what happens, scolding her for not paying attention or for “being weak” or too touchy.

• You may be interested: "Gaslighting: the most subtle emotional abuse"

2. It promises many things but it doesn't deliver.

It is common for manipulative people to feign an interest in the other person that simply is not real. It's just a way to gain her favor by giving her hope. and reasons not to break up the relationship.

This can be detected by keeping track of the occasions on which broken promises appear. Of course, infidelities are a clear example of broken commitment in those cases in which a relationship has been established with that person.

3. Doesn't pay attention to details

In both men and women, when you play with the feelings of others, you tend to do so without really being interested in what the victim is like; Only the essential details are memorized so that it is not obvious that there is no intention to consider her a loved one.

Therefore, paying attention to whether you put effort into remembering details about how we are, what we like and what we don't, what our past is and other nuances that create our identity, we will see if we are part of the things he values ​​most or if he only feigns love or appreciation for us in an interested, instrumental way, to maintain the appearances.

How to act when a man plays with you?

To know what to do in these cases, follow the following tips and recommendations step by step.

1. Adopt a healthy distance

In order to have a point of view that is as objective and neutral as possible about what is happening, you must focus on the events as you know they have happened, and draw conclusions from them.

You should avoid adopting statements like “he doesn't love me” or “he plays with me” as a starting point, since These are ideas that in any case we will conclude once we have considered everything that has happened, but not before.

That's why, It is good that you create lists and diagrams that describe the situation. When you see a statement that implies a very subjective interpretation of the facts, eliminate it and replace it with another.

2. make a decision

Once you have managed to have a more or less objective description of what is happening, stop and think If the degree to which that person has played with your feelings is worth stopping seeing them or letting them know what you feel and allowing them a reasonable amount of time (for both of you) to correct their attitude.

In case you decide to break off the friendship or relationship you had forever, or if after a while it has not changed significantly for the better, go to the next advice.

3. Don't get obsessed with what I might think.

In situations where we decide to end the relationship we had with someone, we usually find ourselves with a dilemma that poses two options: give priority to one's own feelings, or give priority to the feelings of the other.

In this case, it is very important to focus on what one feels, and thus let go of the responsibility of making the other person feel a certain way.

If, instead, you give in to the desire to make the other person perceive us as we want them to, we will be feeding a dynamic through which we continue to depend on the other. In other words, if you do that, In reality you give room for them to continue playing with your emotions.

4. Avoid blaming yourself

In these cases it is easy to make the mistake of blaming yourself for not having made the relationship work.

However, this is only a consequence of the fact that they have played with us and have generated a dynamic of dependency in which one party gives a lot and the other gives almost nothing. The fact that we have analyzed the facts as objectively as possible will protect us against these negative thoughts.