The Law of Ice in Personal Relationships

Interpersonal relationships, whether friendship, couple or family, are complex and are influenced by a diverse set of factors. There are no defined instruction manuals on how to establish and maintain stable relationships over time, that tell us what steps we have to follow to resolve any pothole or conflict that we find in the path.

We learn to manage our relationships and resolve any possible conflict based on experience; with trial and error. Sometimes, these errors materialize in maladaptive strategies for our emotional management, giving rise to harmful and harmful dynamics. An example of this is the silent treatment, thus coined the cold and distant treatment, even going so far as to make a complete void, towards a person with whom we may have had a conflict or confrontation.

In this article, we will explain what the silent treatment is and why, sometimes, when we have a conflict with a person, instead of trying To solve it through words, we decided to opt for a cold and distant treatment, hoping that in this way he would realize our annoyance and excuse me.

What is the silent treatment?

To fully understand the silent treatment, we must first define what it is and how it manifests itself in our daily lives. At its core, the silent treatment refers to a communication tactic in which a person decides to withdraw their affection, attention, or active participation in a relationship. This can manifest itself in various ways, but the common characteristic is that the affected person feels a sudden and palpable decrease in the emotional heat that previously flowed freely between both.

Imagine a heated argument between two close friends. One of them, feeling hurt or frustrated, decides not to respond to the other's texts or calls for days or even weeks. This deliberate denial of communication is a classic example of the silent treatment. What was once a constant flow of conversations and mutual support turns into an icy silence.. Ultimately, the silent treatment is nothing more than a passive-aggressive strategy used to express discontent, anger or frustration by denying communication and affection.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Effects of the silent treatment

The silent treatment is not a neutral strategy; It has profound effects on the people involved and the dynamics of the relationship itself. Understanding these effects is essential to address the importance of this dynamic and its impact on our lives.

1. Effects on those who use it

• Temporary relief: The person who resorts to silent treatment can often experience temporary relief by avoiding direct confrontation or temporarily reducing her stress level. This relief is usually short-lived and can give way to feelings of loneliness or regret.
• Communication impairment: In the long term, the silent treatment erodes effective communication in the relationship, which prevents problem resolution and can lead to even further distancing.
• Conflict cycle: The silent treatment often triggers a cycle of conflict in the relationship, where parties can alternate between moments of silence and emotional outbursts

2. Effects on those who experience it:

• Emotional distress: Lack of attention and affection can cause feelings of rejection, loneliness and anxiety.
• Confusion: Lack of clear communication can leave the affected person confused about what has caused the distancing and how to resolve the situation.
• Deterioration of self-esteem: Experiencing this behavior can undermine self-esteem and self-confidence, as the affected person may begin to question their own value in the relationship.
• emotional response: In many cases, the affected person may respond to the silent treatment with desperate attempts to regain the attention or affection of the other party, which can increase tension and frustration.

How to deal with the silent treatment

Dealing with the law can be challenging, but it is essential to maintaining healthy communication and resolving conflicts constructively. In conclusion, here are some strategies and tips to address this dynamic:

1. Open communication

Start an honest but respectful conversation with the person who is using the silent treatment. Ask them if something is wrong or if there is anything they would like to express. Actively listens to the other person without interrupting and shows empathy towards their feelings and concerns.

• You may be interested: "Assertive communication: how to express yourself clearly"

2. emotional self-control

Stay calm and avoid exaggerated or impulsive emotional reactions. Take a deep breath before answering. Avoid blaming or accusing the other person, instead, use "I" statements to express your own feelings and perceptions.

3. Set healthy boundaries

If silent treatment becomes a destructive pattern in your relationship, consider setting healthy boundaries. Explain that prolonged distancing is not an effective way to solve problems and that you are willing to listen and dialogue.

4. Seeking outside help

In especially complicated situations, the advice of a therapist or counselor may be beneficial..

A mental health professional can help both parties understand and address the underlying dynamics.

• Related article: "The 10 benefits of going to psychological therapy"

5. Self-reflection

Take some time to reflect on your own communication patterns and behavior in the relationship. Have you contributed in any way to the conflict or the silent treatment? Do you also develop this behavioral pattern? Look for opportunities to improve your communication and conflict resolution skills.

6. Patience and persistence

Solving the silent treatment can take time. Maintain patience and willingness to work on the relationship for the long term. Don't expect problems to be resolved immediately; Resolution may require several attempts and conversations.

7. Consider individual needs

Recognize that each person has individual needs and limits. Not all relationships are viable, and in some cases, distance may be the best solution.