13 keys to stop thinking about your ex-partner

When we think more about the past or the future than the present, it means that our current life does not make us happy. It is as if we need to seek external stimuli from the past (memories) and the future (expectations) in order to cope with the present.

Have you just ended a relationship and are you more focused on thinking about the past than living in the present moment? In this article we help you change it, and We propose 13 keys to stop thinking about your ex-partner.

• Recommended article: "The 7 types of love you can experience"

Keys and strategies to stop thinking about your ex-partner

As we mentioned, it happens many times that when a relationship breaks down, we plunge into a state of apathy and constantly think about our ex-partner, thus anchoring ourselves in the past.

• It may interest you: "12 keys to know if you have a healthy romantic relationship"

Do you want to change your situation? Try to focus on your present life, on occupying time and filling it with positive stimuli and reinforcing for you. It's time to spend time with yourself and take care of yourself… But how? These are the 13 keys to stop thinking about your ex-partner that we propose to you.

1. Take up your time

The first of the keys to stop thinking about your ex-partner, and which sums up most of the following a bit, is to occupy your time.

If you invest your time in other things (other than thinking about your ex-partner), you will be more It's hard for you to get back into the loop if you keep thinking about her, wondering what doing, etc. So, simply spend your time on things that motivate you and that are worthwhile.

2. Start new projects

It is time to do new things, and one of them may be to start that project that you have always had in mind but have never had the courage to start. It can be a work project, academic, a new activity that you want to try (leisure), etc.

The important thing is that it is something that minimally motivates you and that moves you away from the ruminant behaviors in which you find yourself.

3. Do sports

The next key to stop thinking about your ex-partner is to practice sports: almost anything is worth it; go jogging, walking, hiking, playing a team sport (soccer, basketball…), going to the gym, doing yoga, etc.

When we do sports, we focus our attention - and energy - on the body, physical exercises, bodily sensations, breathing, etc.; This is very positive, because we stop investing that energy and attention (at least temporarily) in thinking in our ex-partner, to invest them in something positive for us (after all, sport is Health). For example, we propose start exercising and fitness routines.

4. Take back old passions

We can also choose to resume old hobbies or activities that we left behind but enjoyed. The objective is to recover old illusions and find something that continues to motivate us today.

5. Go to therapy (if you need it)

The psychological therapy It is also a valid option to stop thinking about our ex-partner, in case we feel that we need it. Therapy can help us to approach things from a different perspective, to reflect, to rethink our life and our behaviors, to understand our thoughts and not to judge ourselves, etc.

6. Accept the current situation

The next key to stop thinking about your ex-partner is simply to accept the current situation. It is useless to fill our time to “not think”, because at some point or another, we will have to face the current situation and start the process of mourning for the ended relationship.

This point is not easy at all, and it requires a sometimes long and complex process. However, when it is possible to accept the current situation, and that is that our ex-partner is no longer part of our life (after having gone through a series of phases), the feeling of liberation and peace is tremendous. Thus, we understand and accept that this person is already part of the past.

7. Write, express yourself

Writing is another key to stop thinking about your ex-partner, since through writing you can: reflect on what you feel, vent, understand yourself, organize your mind, etc. These actions are necessary to focus on the present moment and stop thinking about ghosts from the past.

8. Pamper yourself (take care of yourself)

To recover emotionally, especially after a breakup, it is important to take care of yourself and pamper yourself, invest time in yourself, indulge yourself, etc. It is important that you are aware that self-love is the only one that, if taken care of, lasts a lifetime, and is essential for our self esteem and self-concept.

The next key to stop thinking about your ex-partner is to go out with your friends or family, share plans with them, propose outings and activities, etc. You will do well to clear your mind and stop focusing on the past.

In addition, you can even meet new people through these activities, and that always brings freshness to daily life.

• We recommend you: "25 things to do with your friends to have a great time"

10. Take some time to think / disconnect

In addition to doing many things and occupying your time, it is important to take a few minutes a day to relax and disconnect; It is normal that thoughts flow in those moments (some of your ex-partner).

Don't stop them and let them flow; listen to yourself, identify how you feel and don't hold back. Being sad is healthy too, since sadness always has some purpose. Remember that all emotions have their function and allow us to adapt to life.

11. Keep it real

The current situation is what it is, and continually thinking about your ex-partner will neither make you come back nor make you feel better (on the contrary). So, try to apply a dose of realism to your day-to-day life and ask yourself what the current (objective) real situation is, why is that person no longer in your life, and assume that your life is now another.

12. Start a volunteer

Another idea that we propose, to keep your mind on more productive and healthy things than thinking about your "ex", is to start a volunteer service. There are many types (you will find them easily through the internet), and they can give you very good feelings.

In addition, when we invest our energy in others, that energy returns to us with more force and makes us feel fulfilled.

13. Practice your favorite hobby

Some of the previous keys to stop thinking about your ex-partner already made reference to doing new things; In this case, we suggest that you continue practicing your hobby or your favorite hobby. Don't let apathy consume you and get going with it! You will feel better and you will move away from the thoughts that anchor you to the past.

Bibliographic references

• Álvarez, M.P. (2006). Third generation behavior therapy. EduPsykhé: Journal of psychology and psychopedagogy, 5 (2): 159-172.

• Mañas, I. (2012). New psychological therapies: The third wave of behavior therapies or third generation therapies, Gaceta de Psicología, 40: 26-34.

• Peña, D.C. and Castaño, M.C. (2018). Coping styles and the grieving process in the face of a couple breakdown in a former young adult couple. Lumen Gentium Catholic University Foundation.