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Loneliness: why we fear it and how we can learn from it

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Loneliness, feeling alone in the world and isolated from othersIt is something that we can dread experiencing. Humans need to be in society by nature and that is why we do everything possible to never have moments of loneliness.

However, moments of loneliness are not all bad and in reality a lot of learning can come from them, especially the most important one: learn to accompany ourselves.

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Why do we fear loneliness

People have been used to living in community since the beginning of civilizations: it takes two people to procreate and give birth to a baby, who needs her parents to survive until she can do it on her own. But in addition, this family is accompanied by other families who live in society to take care of each other: some hunt, others cook, others protect, others heal... And with this model we have evolved to this day.

It is more than normal that we are afraid of loneliness, because after all, under this model in which we grow, the company is synonymous with protection

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n and, under this idea, loneliness would be synonymous with helplessness. But in addition to this, there is another reason that adds fear of loneliness and has to do with finding a partner.

Culturally, both men and especially women reach an age when we must find a partner; if we pass this time, we begin to despair and we can be judged for not finding it. While this has been improving over time, there is some pressure within us to find our mate and avoid staying alone at all costs.

This is not to say that these arguments about loneliness are not valid. In the end and as we said at the beginning, we need to live in societyIt is part of us and there is nothing more beautiful than living love as a couple and life in community. Now, everything depends on the connotation we give to loneliness, the reading we make of it and whether we use it in our favor or not.

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When we are alone while we are surrounded by people

We fall into the trap of thinking that living alone is being a hermit in the middle of a forest without contact with anyone else, but the truth is that many people live in solitude being surrounded by people; Well, even if they have many people by their side, they feel more alone than ever. This simply shows that loneliness is not measured in the number of people we meet or see every day, but in the quality of the relationships and the bonds we create with them.

At this point we can say that not in vain there is the popular saying of "better alone than in bad company", because the truth is that there are people who spend their lives with very few people around and are extremely happy. For this reason, it is possible that the loneliness that we see or feel outside, is a loneliness that comes from within, from within, and it has to do with the fear of being with ourselves.

It is also true that our current society, so connected and documented through social networks, has changed our idea of ​​loneliness for the worse. On the one hand, it is true that we have become more individualistic and spend more time on mobile phones than establishing real relationships with people. On the other hand, the excess of stimuli on the lives of other people does not do more than increase our anxiety, feeling of emptiness and loneliness. This happens fundamentally because we distance ourselves from ourselves by seeing others.

I decide if I feel alone or if I am alone

As we have already commented, loneliness is felt and defined according to the perspective from which we see it, so we have to begin to face loneliness and decide if we feel alone or if we are alone, because this changes the story radically.

Feeling alone is be aware that something is missing in our life (the emptiness we feel) that we are not giving ourselves and that we are waiting for someone else to come and fill it. Being alone, on the contrary, is knowing that for now there may not be someone in our life as a couple, but that there are other people in our life who make us happy, and especially that we don't need anyone to fill empty; This is the positive side of loneliness.

The issue with the fear of loneliness is that false idea that we have in our head, in which if we don't have someone next to us we can't be happy. Because the truth is that we have everything in us to be the happiest people and, perhaps, at some point share it with someone else.

When we decide to live and enjoy solitude

Loneliness doesn't last forever (unless you decide to go live in the middle of the forest), but there are moments of loneliness, because we all have our comings and goings in this life. The truth is these lonely moments are beautiful opportunities to learn to be in our own company, get to know each other, trust us and enjoy how wonderful we are in total freedom.

We are our best friends or worst enemies when living in solitude. We are the ones who decide if we succumb to fear and despair, or if instead we take advantage of the situation to connect with who we really are and listen nots.

The truth is that the greatest fear of all people in the face of loneliness is to find ourselves with ourselves, and finally eliminate all the noise around us to hear what you really think, feel or you want. But when this moment comes, dare to dialogue with yourself and you will see how wonderful it is to meet you; spend time with you because the more you know yourself, the easier it is to be able to show yourself to the world.

Finally, if you feel lonely, do not try to hide from others and surround yourself with people so as not to listen to yourself. Instead be open to be with the people you love, to feel their love and company to take strength in the moments in which we loose a little. After this, combat loneliness by trying to meet new people with an open mind and strengthened self-confidence.

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