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Long courtships: advantages and disadvantages of stable couples

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Dating is a stage of mutual knowledge that sometimes lasts for many years.

Some psychologists recommend that the dating relationship last between two and four years before making the decision to marry.

In this way there is a greater possibility that couples go through several stages together. The objective is that they know each other in every possible facet to see if they really want to move to a greater commitment. But... What if this courtship extends beyond that time? Let's know the advantages and disadvantages of stable couples.

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Long courtships: advantages and disadvantages

A courtship that lasts more than 5 years is already considered long in most countries around us. There are some successful stories (and others, not so) of relationships of up to ten years or more. Of course, many factors also intervene, such as the age at which the relationship began, the maturity of both members of the couple or if the life project in common is solid or suffers ups and downs.

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The pros and cons of long courtships are also a way to predict how successful the relationship might be. marriage, but also the implications that living so long can have for people simply being a couple.

Advantages of long courtships

Long courtships can have several advantages for both members of the couple. The dating stage should be a path of self-knowledge and knowledge of the other, but also of an opportunity to understand the best way to resolve conflicts that arise generate.

The fact that a courtship lasts for too many years could have advantages for growth personal and to better carry out a greater commitment such as marriage or maternity / paternity. So a long courtship could have many benefits. Let's get to know them.

1. Mutual knowledge

An advantage of a long courtship is that it can facilitate that there is a deep understanding between both members of the couple. Spending so many years together benefits both of you getting to know each other better. His tastes, hobbies, dreams, plans, his history, his childhood ...

This is undoubtedly an advantage because there is greater certainty about what each one plans for her life. About whether or not you want to get married, have children, what type and lifestyle you want to have, as well as the aspects that are important to your own life.

2. Confidence

A long-term couple tends to build a lot of trust. You stop for difficult, funny, embarrassing moments and simply having spent too much time together, it generates trust and complicity between both, which allows one to feel more comfortable with the other.

Because you are past the time of falling in love and striving to look good with each other, there is the transparency of being yourself. This complicity between the two makes the relationship stronger and loyalty grow.

3. Experiences together

If they have spent more than five years together, they surely have many experiences to tell.. Good or bad, it doesn't matter; The experiences that they can remember and that make us smile, or those moments in the past that make us cry together, encourage the

The problems that they have had to face together, the anecdotes, the trips, the achievements, all this is forming their history. All this is lived in a different way than when you already experience it as a marriage.

4. Living with family and friends

Long courtships have the advantage that there is already coexistence with family and friends of both. Because many years have passed, surely they already live naturally and daily with family and friends.

It may even be that links have formed between one or more members of your family and the couple. This makes the transition to marriage much easier, as it becomes a celebration for the whole family.

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5. Joint heritage

When the bride and groom plan that they will have a life together, they usually start to make a heritage. They start to save together and buy some things for themselves, like a car, an apartment... If they want to have a party, they take the time to plan ahead.

This is an advantage because when they go to the marriage stage, they already have some things that are part of their heritage as a whole and that will make life easier for them.

Sentimental couple

Disadvantages of long courtships

A long courtship can also become a disadvantage in certain circumstances. If situations are not managed in a resilient way, if time has not helped to generate a strong bond and a trusting relationship, having so much time together becomes a slab.

There are various circumstances that lead to a long courtship being counterproductive. For example, if the relationship started very young, or on the other hand they were already over 35, it could Being that being in a relationship for more than five years is not a positive element for the relationship and its future.

1. Monotony

One of the clearest disadvantages of a long courtship is that it falls into monotony. After the first three years, the stage of infatuation has passed. Facing another dating reality can be complicated, but after that stage there is little news.

If for various reasons the couple cannot be continually experiencing novel experiences, either because you have to fulfill the daily routine, work or obligations, then it is easy to fall into monotony for a long time weather.

2. Toxic relationship

The risk of a long courtship is that it is actually a toxic relationship. Sometimes there are couples who end up and come back countless times and thus end up accumulating many years together, without there having been an effective way to solve their conflicts or quarrels.

In these cases it is no longer a healthy relationship. The stress and tension of ending and returning and the inability to solve problems leads to a relationship of courtship that damages those involved, and that in serious cases can generate situations of psychological violence and physical.

3. Conflict in habits

A marriage after a long courtship can be troubled. It is not always easy to go from boyfriends to husbands, but in the case of a long relationship the change can be very abrupt. Having become accustomed to a dating routine, change can bring conflict.

In this case, far from strengthening the relationship, problems are generated because this change in habits and customs is difficult for both parties or for one. They have spent so much time being dating without sharing everything that when they are in a marriage relationship, everything gets complicated.

4. Overconfidence

A long courtship results in an excess of trust in the couple. That is, there comes a time when they no longer make an effort to take care of the relationship. They believe that everything is given and everything is safe and there is no concern to cultivate love, to communicate more and better or to build new challenges and experiences.

Having already spent several years together, and especially if you have started talking about making a bigger commitment such as marriage, it is taken for granted that the other will always be there. This causes carelessness that can lead to a breakdown.

5. Longing for experiencing other relationships

If the courtship started at an early age, there may be curiosity about living other relationships. Some relationships begin during adolescence and extend into adult life, since they are not of marriageable age, they wait until it is possible, thus they become very long.

However, in these situations the disadvantage of a long courtship is that at some point a yearning or curiosity about having relationships with someone else may appear. If this feeling is not resolved and the relationship is moved forward, it can lead to infidelity problems later.

Bibliographic references

  • Dattilio, Frank M.; Padesky, Christine A. (2004). "Cognitive therapy with couples". Bilbao: Editorial Desclée De Brouwer.

  • Galimberti, Umberto (2002). "Dictionary of Psychology". Mexico: XXI century.

  • King, Turi E. and Jobling, Mark A. (May 2009). "Founders, Drift, and Infidelity: The Relationship Between And Chromosome Diversity and Patrilineal Surnames". Molecular Biology and Evolution (Oxford University Press) 26 (5).

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