The 3 phases of love and their characteristics

Do you love your partner but you no longer feel like the first day? Do you notice that the feeling you feel towards your partner has been transforming over time? They are completely normal sensations that describe changes in the way we feel and interpret what a relationship means to us.

This happens because couple love has different phases and stages, all of them with their defining characteristics. If in the article “The 5 phases to overcome the duel of the couple breakup”They talked about the stages of heartbreak, in this text we will deal with the different phases of love.

Love also evolves

It is important to note that, despite the fact that this is a phenomenon that has aroused much interest among psychology professionals, there are discrepancies about the number of phases of love and the characteristics that they define them.

However, according to psychologist John Gottman, author of the book Principa Amoris: The New Science of Love, romantic love has three distinct phases that appear sequentially, in the same way that people are born, grow up and age.

His research has shown that love is a complex experience, and has served to identify some stages of the couple's life in which love may deteriorate or continue to evolve towards go ahead all the way to the deepest emotional bond.

Recommended article: " The 100 best phrases about love and romance"

The stages of love: limerence, romantic love and mature love

What are these stages of love? What characteristics do they present? Below you can see them described and explained.

Phase 1: Limerencia

This stage is also called the infatuation or lust phase., and it is the phase in which we are most excited and eager to see the other person. The feelings and emotions of lovers have to do with euphoria and rapid mood swings.

The term "limerence" was coined by Dorothy TennovAccording to this, the characteristic symptoms of this stage are some physical changes such as redness, tremors or palpitations; excitement and nervousness, intrusive thinking, obsession, fanciful thoughts, and fear of rejection.

Falling in love is something exceptional

In the book The alchemy of love and lust, the Dr. Theresa Crenshaw explains that not just anyone can unleash the cascade of hormones and neurotransmitters that accompanies the exciting first phase of love. But when infatuation occurs, then, and only then, does the neurochemical cascade of infatuation erupt, changing our perception of the world.

The psychologist and communication director of the magazine Psychology and Mind, Jonathan Garcia-Allen, in his article "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug”, Explains that“ in this phase the brain releases large amounts of dopamine, serotonin or noradrenaline, that is why when we fall in love we feel excited, full of energy and our perception of life is magnificent. Exactly the same as if we consume psychoactive substances ”.

In short, when we fall in love, our brain secretes:

• Phenylethylamine (PEA): it is a natural amphetamine that our body produces and is called the "love molecule".
• Pheromones: derived from DHEA, they influence sensuality more than sexuality, creating an incredible sensation of well-being and comfort. Furthermore, pheromones could influence our decision-making without us being aware of it.
• OxytocinAlso called the hugging hormone, it helps create close bonds with the other person. When we feel close to that person and have intimate relationships, our body is responsible for segregating them. This chemical compound has a duration in the brain of about 4 years according to the theory of Donald F. Klein and Michael Lebowitz
• Dopamine: it is related to pleasure and is the neurotransmitter that plays an important role in gambling, drug use, and also in love. It is important since it is involved in the reward system, that is, it helps us to repeat pleasant behaviors.
• Noradrenaline: also known as norepinephrine, it is associated with the feeling of euphoria, exciting the body and giving it a dose of natural adrenaline.
• Serotonin: acts on emotions and mood. It is responsible for well-being, generates optimism, good humor and sociability.

This abrupt change in the generation and hormones and neurotransmitters makes us tend to be less stable emotionally, at least for a time and specifically when we think of or feel the other person close.

Phase 2: Romantic love (building trust)

The questions that may arise during this phase are: "Will you be there for me?" "I can trust in you?" "Can I count on you for the good times and the bad times?" These are some of the reflections we make to know if we want to continue with that person who has made us feel so much and if we really are with the right person for this long journey of the love.

When we cannot respond positively to these questions, conflicts crop up over and over again and can seriously erode the relationship. The answers to these questions are the basis for secure or insecure attachment to the relationship.

A challenge for managing emotions

Therefore, it is common for there to be crises at this stage. Getting out of them means a growth in the relationship and the strengthening of emotional ties. On the other hand, if the doubts are confirmed, the frustration, the disappointment, the sadness and anger may appear.

These crises can appear around 2 or 3 years and, in many cases, the result of these fights is determined by the negotiating and communication skills of the members.

The development or building of trust is based on considering the needs of the other member of the couple as well. This is achieved:

• Being aware of the other person's pain
• Having tolerance towards her point of view as well as yours
• Meeting the needs of the couple
• With a active listening and not defensive
• With attitude of empathy

Recommended article: " The 7 keys to having a healthy relationship with your partner"

Phase 3: Mature love (building commitment and loyalty)

If the couple manages to overcome the previous stage, it reaches the phase of union or mature love. This stage is characterized by the construction of a real and loyal commitment. This is the deepest stage of trust, in which more rational decisions are made. That is, there is a deeper appreciation of the other person and there is a union that predominates over the emotional torrent and the turmoil of the beginning of the relationship.

At this stage, calm and peace are valued more, and the other person becomes a point of support. More importance is given to attachment, tenderness, deep affection, and love reaches, then, another level.

Consolidating the stable relationship

In this stage, love feeds on understanding and respect on the part of the two members of the couple.. Somehow, love begins to be experienced in a less individualistic way, thinking of the couple as a unit that is more than the sum of its parts.

The emotional bond is not as obsessive as in the first phase and gives way to a free love, based on communication, dialogue and negotiation. In this phase it is very rare that communication problems appear that were not previously present, unless they are due to a specific and easily identifiable fact that breaks the health of the relationship.

To reach this phase, it must be borne in mind that love is not born, it is built over time and it is constantly cared for. The simple passage of time does not lead to the last of the main phases of love.; for example, it could cause the emotional bond to deteriorate if attention is not paid to it.

Do you want to know more about mature love? This article may interest you: " Mature love: why is the second love better than the first?"